Take charge of your sexual intimacy post-birth
Charging into battle to decrease pain with sex
Avoiding conversations about sex is all too common in our society. Sex postpartum is only mentioned at your 6 week appointment when you get cleared to do the deed. We are talking all things sex in this post. If you have any questions please reach out. There is never a weird or TMI question in pelvic floor therapy.
Why do you have to wait until 6 weeks after having a baby to have penetrative sex?
6 weeks is mostly an arbitrary number when it comes to postpartum healing. However, the reason why it is beneficial to wait until 6 weeks after delivering a baby to have penetrative sex has to deal with wound healing. It takes wounds about 6 weeks to heal. This is a usual timeline for wound healing. It can, however, be delayed by things like smoking, poor diet, doing too much, or other complications.
When you deliver a baby, you also deliver a placenta. The placenta is an organ that your body grew to feed your baby. The placenta is attached to your the wall of your uterus. Thus, when you deliver the placenta, it gives you a large wound in your uterus where it was attached.
So…… waiting to have sex until 6 weeks postpartum is important to make sure that wound is healed to prevent it getting infected.
You also just spent a decent amount of time literally growing a human inside of you and then you delivered the human. If you are breastfeeding, your body is now being used to continue to sustain a life, so there are already a lot of demands on your body. Having 6 weeks is nice to give you body a little break in the sex department. If you want to have more than a 6 week break, I 100% recommend waiting until YOU are ready, not your partner, but YOU! All bodies are different, so listen to your body and see what sex feels like when you are ready.
Okay, so now you are ready, what do you need to know?
USE LUBE!!!! I cannot stress this enough. LUBE, LUBE, LUBE. When you think you have enough, add more. During pregnancy, your hormones changed to build a baby. During postpartum your hormones change to try to produce milk. This is the case even if breastfeeding wasn’t an option for you. Since your body got the signal that your baby was born, it is now doing everything that it can to try to produce milk. In order to do this, your estrogen is LOW!!! So low that it will dry up all the juices in your vagina. This can cause sex to be painful.
If you are using a handful of lubrication and you are still experiencing discomfort during sex, there are other things that could be going on.
Pain with sex after a vaginal tear during delivery
Tearing during delivery is very common. There are things that you can do to help prevent this (read here for tips and tricks), however, if you tore, you tore. If you had a small tear there is a small chance that you did not get any stitches. This can be beneficial to cause less trauma to the area. However, if the skin does not heal back together that can cause pain. If you had a larger tear you very likely had stitches.
Stitches or not, a tear can cause the skin to scar. Scar tissue anywhere on the body can end up being more or less sensitive then the skin around it. If you are experiencing pain with sex where the tear was, it is important to desensitize the scar and workout any scar tissue. Using a dilator or a pelvic floor wand can be a way for you to work on the scar yourself. Seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist is a great idea to make sure you are working on it in a beneficial way.
Pain with sex after a cesarean section
Many people think that they will not experience any vaginal complications if they had a c-section. While, this can sometimes be true, it is actually very common to develop vaginal complications after a cesarean. In terms of vaginal pain, it likely is from the pelvic floor muscles being too tight since they never got the cue that your baby was born. If this is the case, doing things to get the muscles to relax can be beneficial. The best ways to get the pelvic floor muscles to relax are diaphragmatic breathing, using a pelvic floor wand or dilator, stretching, and seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist.
Libido after a baby (read this blog for additional details)
Libido in general can be lower after having a baby. There are many factors that can cause this. For starters, how much your body just went through is a large part. Also, your body is different then what it was prior to growing a baby. Due to this, your confidence might be down which can decrease your desire to be intimate with your partner.
Another factor is lack of sleep. You are now likely sleeping on someone else’s schedule who isn’t sleeping for more than a couple of hours at a time. This can cause increased fatigue on your part. No one wants to have sex who is really tired. Lack of sleep and just having a baby in general can cause your emotions to be all over the place. This leaves little room to have a large desire for sex.
Not only do you have decreased estrogen after having a baby, you also have decreased progesterone. Both of these hormones are important for “feeling in the mood”. In addition, in order to breastfeed, your body produces the hormone prolactin which can suppress ovulation and it decreases libido. Your hormones are focused on sustaining your baby’s life, not creating another baby. This can play a very large part in decreased libido.
Another factor in effecting your libido is your relationship and stress. Adding a new person (your baby) to your relationship will automatically change the dynamic with your partner. This can cause stress. Also, just having a baby and learning all the ins and outs of your little one can be very stressful. Both of these factors can decrease your libido.
What can you do to increase your libido?
First, give yourself time. Do not rush how you feel towards sex. It takes some people to stop breastfeeding before having an urge to engage in sexual activity. With that being said, sometimes it takes regularly scheduled sexy time to help get your body and mind in the mood. Think of sex like going to the gym, you might not feel like going, but you usually are glad you went afterward and the more you go the more your body starts craving it.
I say all this lightly. I do NOT want you to feel like you have to force yourself to have sex especially when you are caring for a baby. However, sometimes this can be helpful to hear and there is some truth to it. Be kind to yourself. You are going through A LOT. Putting more pressure on yourself to have sex will not increase your libido. On the contrary, being kind to yourself and letting yourself be ready when you are ready is very beneficial. Also, taking time to learn what you like now, with your new body, is very important. You might not respond to something you responded to in the past, but you might respond to something new. Learning your body after your baby is very beneficial. To get there, scheduled sexy time can also be with just yourself, it doesn’t always have to be with your partner.
Next, focusing on a healthy diet can help your hormones. Eating a lot of fruits, veggies, natural proteins, and healthy fats: full fat animal products, olive oil, coconut oil, avocado oil, nuts and seeds can help your hormones be their most optimal. It can also give you more energy. This is not a time to count calories. Your body NEEDS food and calories. Give your body lots of nourishing energy.
Fun fact that people don’t tell you
This has nothing to do with pelvic floor therapy. Having an orgasm causes oxytocin to be released in your body. When oxytocin is released, it can cause your nipples to squirt milk if you are breastfeeding. There is nothing wrong with you if this happens and you don’t need to worry about preventing it. I was shocked when I discovered this for myself, so I now share with everyone.
If you have any questions at all related to sex, intimacy, or really anything postpartum, please click on the button below to get answers. If we can’t answer you, we will send you to someone who can. Remember, no question is weird. And if you have the question, there are likely other people who do too.
If you would like to see or speak with a pelvic floor physical therapist due to experiencing any of these symptoms, click on the button below.
