An interview all about sex
I had the pleasure of interviewing Bailey Barmettler, a somatic sex educator and sexological body worker. What does that mean? It means that she helps people understand their bodies so they can enjoy sex and experience pleasure. She specializes in working with people after they have experienced trauma (even having a baby can be traumatic) causing our bodies and minds to “shut down” the pelvis and not be able to feel sexual pleasure.
There are many things that go into being able to enjoy sex. Your body is one. The environment is another. Our society/culture and beliefs play a role. As well as your relationship with yourself and the other person involved.
Based on these factors, your libido can increase if all is going well, and decrease if something is “off”. Hormones get a lot of attention when it comes to libido. But what about all the other things that can cause libido to decrease?
Fear, shame, and anxiety are all libido blockers. Bailey, or someone like Bailey, can help figure out what is causing you to not be able to fully enjoy sexual pleasure. She can help educate you and your body to understand its needs and all the benefits of pleasure.
There are things you can do on your own to help increase your libido:
Promoting blood flow to your genitals will help increase the nerve and muscle sensitivity to help your body crave sex. You can do this with genital massage, masturbation, and daily erotic practices such as dancing or breathing (see the video below for a breathing technique).
A healthy man will have 7-9 erections just at night! Unless you are having a very sexy dream, if you have a vagina, you likely will not be having even one erection at night. Men have 7-9 erections to help keep their pelvic floor muscles healthy and strong while they sleep. The erections bring blood flow to their genitals. Women also need to bring blood flow to our genitals to keep our genitals healthy and strong.
Being in the present moment can help you enjoy being sexual. Focus on your current sensations. Every time your mind is wandering off to your to do list, or the fact that you haven’t shaved your legs in 9 months, try to bring your focus back to the sensations of the room and environment. What are your hearing (hopefully not a crying child), what are you seeing, what are you smelling, what are you feeling?
When it is time to enjoy being intimate with your partner:
Being sure to have preparation time and using fantasy play can help you get in the mood. Approach sex with curiosity, fun, and experimentation. Be an adult kid, your partner should be your best friend and use your bedroom as your playground!
Communication is also key. practice empowering your voice. Practice with daily tasks around the house, “No, I do not want to put the toilet paper role on that way, I enjoy when it is on this way.” Communicate your wants, needs, and desires daily so you feel empowered to do the same when it comes to being intimate. Your partner cannot read your mind (although that would make life so much easier, maybe). It is your responsibility to communicate what you want with your partner.
Use body-based pleasure to enjoy sex. Connect with your partner through pleasure and do not have an end goal!
If you want to speak with Bailey yourself, you can contact her at:
ART ROMANCE & REALITY LLC
Bailey Barmettler
Somatic Specialist in Sex, Intimacy, Trauma, & Touch
970-313-3553
http://artromancereality.com/
She offers free consultations and LOVES talking sex so do not by shy!
