Postpartum depression-my personal experience
It is a new year and I feel like a new person!
This past year was filled with laughter, smiles, and plenty of very low times. Postpartum depression (PPD) is real!
Postpartum depression can look very different from person to person and also postpartum time to postpartum time. Some people have it, others don’t experience it.
Sometimes it shows up by no motivation to shower. Other times it shows up as wanting to give up on life.
No matter if you have experienced it or not, know that everyone’s experience is different so do not compare your experience to someone else’s.
I was never diagnosed with postpartum depression with my son. Looking back, I think I had it. We moved up to Alaska when he was just 1 month old. We had a few friends who we met up there, but no family. My husband was working so I was alone with my new baby who cried A LOT. I felt lost and was grieving my pre-child life. As he got older and when I returned to work, I was able to do more for myself which helped decrease the PPD.
Then I got pregnant with my second child. I had a different pregnancy and felt more bonded with my second child in utero. Then she was born and I felt on cloud 9. I even laughed when I scored borderline on the PPD scale at my 6 week appointment because this postpartum experience felt so much better than my first.
That was when things took a turn and mentally I just couldn’t put on a show anymore. I think because I did not address it with my first, I was dealing with that PPD and the PPD from this time around. I was talking to people about how I thought I had PPD and everyone just chalked it up to everyone having a hard time because of COVID.
COVID didn’t help because of the isolation it provided, but I do not think that is why I had PPD. Hormones are different after having a baby. Having a baby, whether your first or your 20th, changes how you look and relate to life. Lack of sleep is a real thing and can mess with your mind. While being a parent is the absolute best experience I have ever had and I would not give it up for anything, it is HARD! You are no longer just taking care of yourself, but now you have another being to care and be responsible for.
I knew I needed to get help the day I collapsed into a ball and literally could not move. My daughter was crying and I was completely detached from the sound.
That was when I reached out to a wonderful therapist who specializes in the postpartum time. She helped me realize that what I was experiencing was temporary. She provided me with tools to help get myself out of the paralyzing feeling. She helped me recognize my triggers that made me want to end my life. She strategized with me on coping mechanisms so I could take care of myself and in-turn be able to care for my children.
Postpartum depression, anxiety, OCD are all real. If anyone you know is dealing with them, be respectful and offer an hear to listen, a hug if able, or to care for their child so they can process, sleep, move, or just be.
I had my progress session with my therapist yesterday and can truly say that I think that my PPD is behind me as long as I continue to do my work and be aware of my triggers.
Movement is one of my coping mechanisms so I make sure to get some form of it in daily. And please, if you are suffering from PPD, do not do it alone. Reach out to a therapist, a friend, a family member, or even me. It truly takes a village and I want to be apart of yours!
