The #1 person to love and how to do it
The #1 person to love
Did you know that it is truly impossible to unconditionally love someone else if you don’t love yourself? It is true. The only way to fully love someone with unconditional love is to love yourself. AND it is much easier for someone to love you unconditionally if you love yourself.
We usually put ourselves last. We take care of our kids, our partners, our parents, our siblings, our friends, and then when we have time, we will take care of ourselves. When we do this, we are taking care of others from an empty cup. We are not able to fully show up for them because our own needs are not fully met.
My husband use to work with adults who had developmental disabilities. While working with that population, he learned that as long as they were getting their 7 needs met, they seemed to be fulfilled and able to integrate into society with more ease.
It is true, that as adults, we all have these 7 needs. If they are not all met, then we cannot give from a full cup and there will be a breakdown at some point.
The 7 NEEDs of an adult:
Sleep
Nutrition
Exercise
Friendship
Recognition
Control over money
Sex
In order to love yourself, you have to make sure that you are honoring your 7 needs and making sure they are being met. Once they are being met, then you can offer your unconditional love to your loved ones.
Each need might look different for everyone, however there are some fundamentals about each.
1) Sleep
How many hours at night do you need? Scientists say that people usually need 7-9 hours of sleep. There are some people that need less and some people that need more, but most people are usually in the 7-9 hour range in order for your brain and body to be functioning at their best. If you are a new parent this might be hard and not so much in your control. Asking your partner, your family, your friends, or hiring a night doula are great ways to make sure you are getting your sleep needs met.
2) Nutrition
What we put into our bodies is key for our bodies and minds to function. Eating non processed foods and limiting sugar will allow your body to function at its finest. Making sure to drink plenty of water (half your body weight in ounces of water a day) will also help your body and mind function at their finest. Limiting fast food and food with unpronounceable ingredients are a great start to being more mindful of what you are putting into your body to give it the best nutrients.
3) Exercise
Our bodies are made to move. We needs movement everyday to allow our bodies and minds to function properly. This does not have to look like going to the gym. Parking your car at the end of the parking lot so you walk more, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, walking around your block are a few easy ways to incorporate more movement into your daily routines.
4) Friendship
Humans need to have connection. Connecting with your family, with your neighbor, with your grocery clerk are all ways to connect with people. While close/deep friendships are the most beneficial, even small and short connections will still be advantageous.
5) Recognition
We all need to feel recognized. We need to feel like our efforts and presence are important. You cannot control how the people around you treat you. However, you can recognize your own efforts. Giving yourself a high 5 in the mirror every morning is a great way to tell yourself that you see you and you recognize you and great job just for getting out of bed. (Thank you Mel Robbins for this great tool).
6) Control over money
As an adult, it is important that we feel like we have some control over money. This is what differentiates children from adults. In order to participate and interact in society we have to use money. By having control over money it gives us a sense of responsibility and control over how we live in this world.
4) Sex
Sex has so many emotional and physical health benefits. It releases endorphins (feel good hormones), it brings blood flow to your organs and pelvic floor muscles, it exercises your pelvic floor muscles to keep them healthy, it decreases stress and pain, lowers heart attack risk and blood pressure, improves immunity, increases libido, just to name a few. We all think of sex as being a way to connect with our partners. What if we use sex as a way to connect with ourselves?
You don't have to have sex with a partner to get all those benefits. Those benefits of sex come from having an orgasm, not from penetration. So, if you can have an orgasm, you are improving your health and getting one of your needs met.
February is love month
Since this month is known as the “Love month”, this is a great time to start taking the time to love yourself more. Start by seeing how you can make sure your needs are being met. Pick one of the 7 needs and focus on that need to show yourself some extra love this month.
